Shhhh, quiet time is now.

So ...  odd.  I've been tangled up inside before.  What is this new experience.  It feels like i'm being re-arranged.  A fundemental shift of who I am.  I can't begin to explain it.  A thought flashes for a moment and is gone.  A momentary existence before oblivion.  I'm not even sure if there is anything left over.  

I've got a trend, a habit, a strange ability to have strange things happen in my life.  I'm not sure i can quite explain it.  I just get oppurtunities to experience different things.

And to think that i was the least of your worries.  The least of your thoughts, the last of your considerations.   What was I to do except let you take the most of me, the rest of me, all of me.  But here i am without you and i ckeep on going and i keep on showing that i can live without you and i can rise above your influences.   I am now without you.  

So much goes through my mind as a try to figure out what it is that i know and don't know.

I'm going to punch you in the kidneys.

If i was to be in a relationship, i would want someone i am attracted to both physically and mentally.  is that wrong??   

When I was younger...

So much.....so much to sort through.   there is joy, but anger as well.  anger from events past that i cannot change.   so much rage it makes my stomach churn.    there is good news however.  i quit smoking.  

Everything affects us.  On a straight scientific level, were one giant chemical reaction.  That isn't to say that its a set reaction.  The senses we have allow us to gain input from our surroundings.  This input alters our thoughts, our feelings.  The alterations causes our body to adjust.  Adrenaline, dopa-mine, endorphin release.  These chemicals adjust our interpretation of reality, and therefor adjusts our actions and reactions.  

I just want to yell right now.  let some rage out.  

I was at this other site when I saw a little survey that said "whats worse, starving children or abused animals"   I immediately think... put the animals out of their misery and feed the children?

Oh what flavour there will be.  Surrounded by the multitude of every possible path imaginable.  Of course  there are a few that don't fit that previous statement, but we will overlook it.  Just as we surely do to them on a regular basis.  A bass, a steady flow of feelings. Carrying every sort of message to and from my heart.  Who knows the destination of the outbound and who could possibly understand how the inbound is possible.  This current unlike a river, more so like the blood that in this physical world does what I more than alluded to my feelings capable of.  The possible and the actual twisted up.  I do not know if it has quite reached a tangle.  Though i'm sure gentle patience and steady hands that do not manipulate but lead what is, to where it should be, will easily take care of that problem when it pops up.  A pause.  A poignant moment as my memory moves me maybe more m's than needed to a memory filled with happiness.  A pause once again as I gather myself up for the inevitable.  

Development in an unstable predicament.  Figure out what when and how to proceed with investment.  Targeting less of what seems increasingly ignorable.  We can work hard and find little.  Just need to keep on keeping on.  That happens to be the answer to everything.  Keep on, keeping on.

Are these strange coincidences just strange coincidences?  Or perhaps is it something more?  Is this pattern that seems to be continuing just a random turn of events, just the way the dice fall?  Or is there a guiding force behind it.  Is it like being in a house, hearing footsteps, having items disappear and all that happy stuff?  Maybe its just me.  Maybe i'm making a mountain out of a few molehills...  Maybe.  Its hard to know what to think.    Its just hard.  If you are out there, why don't you say hello?  Or will you continue to be this ghost in the machine?

So I recently started playing Saints Row 2 again.  My friend just picked it up and we've been going through it cooperatively.  I'd have to say that Saints Row 2 is one of those games that you enjoy more and more as you continue to play it.

At some point I was playing the game and I unlocked an achievement, "Saprano".  Which upon looking at you get by "Singing along with a song".  I had my xbox mic on and I had been singing along to a song.  When I started playing again I realized that my character was singing along with the song too.  Crazy stuff.